Loving Him without Losing You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself
Loving Him without Bringing up the rear You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself Books
Product Description
Do you frequently find yourself putting your lover’s needs ahead of your own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romantic relationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends, or even your health even as in the midst of a like affair?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are not lonely. As with millions of women who are otherwise strong and independent, the dream of a loving, intimate relationship may often seduce you into sacrificing crucial parts of your identity—whether it’s your social life, your time lonely, your spiritual do, or your beliefs and values.
Now, in this landmark book, internationally acclaimed shrink Beverly Engel dispels the silence surrounding the Disappearing Woman Syndrome. Although the Disappearing Woman—one who loses herself in her romantic relationships—is widely plotting to be a throwback, in fact, more than seventy-five percent of all women today are affected by this pervasive and disturbing syndrome. Loving Him without Bringing up the rear You presents the first compelling, contemporary examination of the intricate reasons why so many women submerge themselves in their relationships with men—and offers a honest-forward program that women can use to free themselves from the powerful grip of this all-too-common problem.
Drawing on her twenty-five years of experience counseling women and families, Engel weaves together an insightful and provocative examination of the biological, cultural, and psychological influences on both sexes, giving us an surprising look at what predisposes so many women to disappear in their relationships. She also outlines a complete program featuring dozens of empowering exercises and proactive steps by the side of with several quizzes to determine if and to what degree you suffer from the Disappearing Woman Syndrome—all to help you rediscover yourself as a Woman of Substance.
Among the strategies in this book are the SEVEN COMMITMENTS Disappearing Women must make in order to maintain their sense of self in relationships:
- Learn to go slow
- Be yourself and tell the truth about yourself
- Maintain a separate life
- Stay in the bestow and in reality
- Don’t go changing to try to please him
- Cultivate equal relationships
- Converse in your mind
Rich with the vivid, illuminating, and inspiring tales of women of all ages and walks of life who have struggled hostile to—and triumphed over—the Disappearing Woman Syndrome, Loving Him without Bringing up the rear You is a remarkable book that has the power to dramatically exchange your life for the better.
Acclaim for Loving Him without Bringing up the rear You
“This remarkably helpful book offers new insights into why so many women surrender their individuality in relationships. Its strategies for relating fulfillingly to a man can rescue even the most vulnerable woman from sacrificing herself on the altar of like. Don’t wait until your hair is on fire to read it.”—Maxine Schnall, initiator and Executive Director of Wives Self Help, the first marital hotline in America, and author of Limits and Every Woman Can Be Adored
“This book clearly clarifies why so many women find themselves in fantasy marriages and romances with real men. Beverly Engel urges women to reckon, evaluate, and risk rejection before they repeatedly jump into the same trap. In a gentle voice, she offers commonsense guidelines for telling the truth, learning to trust perceptions, and using solitude.”—Evelyn Streit Cohen, M.S., M.A., marriage and family therapist and coauthor of Link Fits: How to Live with the Person You Like
“This is a book of depth and power. I highly urge it not only to women who lose themselves in their relationships with men but to the parents of youthful girls who need to be taught how to view themselves as valuable beings separate from their relationships with men and boys.”—Michael Gurian, author of The Excellent Son: Shaping the Moral Development of Our Boys and Young Men and A Fine Young Man
“A terrific book, written with authority and sensitivity to men as well as women. . . . Full of helpful, fresh in rank.”—Bradley Gerstman, Esq., Christopher Pizzo, C.P.A., and Rich Seldes, M.D., authors of What Men Want and Marry Me!
“When I was in college, we were all Disappearing Women . . . . If we all had had this book, our lives might have turned out much differently. Buy it for yourself or someone you like.”—Randi Kreger, coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells
“Loving Him without Bringing up the rear You is a wonderful resource and guide to finding oneself and to tapping into creativity as a part of one’s foundation for a life well lived.”—Lucia Capacchione, Ph.D., author of Visioning: Ten Steps to Designing the Life of Your Dreams and The Creative Journal
“Powerful wisdom and insight . . . . Unlike so many others, Beverly Engel doesn’t take the simple way out by blaming men but instead she explores the phenomenon from a biological, cultural, and psychological perspective and offers women empowering suggestions as to how to take responsibility for changing their situation.”—Patti McDermott, author of How to Talk to Your Spouse, How to Talk to Your Wife
“Groundbreaking, provocative, and substantial, this book will light the fire of every woman who seeks right intimacy and strength.”—Salli Rasberry, coauthor of Living Your Life Out Loud
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I bought this book thought it would be helpful in my marriage. My spouse is a wonderful man, but very strong in his opinions. I plotting reading this book would help me to be more firm in my own opinions when they differ from his. Instead it was a book that told women to separate themselves from their spouse in finances and in their private lives! The number one cause for divorce in the first 5 years in America is money problems and having separate account inflames those issues. I would not urge this book to any of my friends! This book is only for emotionally abused women. The average women looking for some tips on how to improve their marriage should not read this. It was a complete waste of my money.
Rating: 1 / 5
I am amazed at how dead on every chapter of this book was for me. If you have problems maintenance your foothold in relationships, you MUST read this book!
Rating: 5 / 5
Loving Him Without Loosing You has been one of the best books I have read. Not only gives you the notion the book is really talking about how you feel it also helps you know many unanswered questions about the relationship and yourself. In fact, I like the book so much I not compulsory the book to many of my female friends. Loving Him Without Loosing You is certainly a book every woman should read.
Rating: 5 / 5
I only wish I may possibly go back and give this to my grandmother and her mother and her mother. This book is for everyone: single, married, divorced…women of all ages and men too who may want to know how some strong woman he fell in like with is now compromised and pitiful. This book will help you recognize your needs and how to meet them yourself. And it will help you know what happened to yourself and how to get you back! I highly urge it. I’m buying a copy for my mom aptly now
Rating: 5 / 5
I was lucky enough to run into this book at a local bookstore. It turned out to be just so what I needed. It was very comforting to read that even strong accomplished women even end up dissapearing in a relationship or marriage. The equation gets even more complicated when kids arrive (although the book doesnt go into having children too much and focuses mainly on staying your own person in a relationship). I reckon most women are excellent hearted and try to do it all (spouse, kids, home, education, career, advancement) but our instincts are set up to play a more nurturing role at the expense of our own selves. This book clarifies how nurturing yourself first will give you a much better outcome than nurturing your spouse/significant other first. And more significantly it shows you how to become a woman of substance and not just a pushover living in the shadow of your mate.
Rating: 5 / 5